Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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