she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
