nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
