we have pet lesbian snakes
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
