Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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