this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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