I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize