yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
