just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I checked into jail on foursquare
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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