Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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