this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
