i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
