If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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