im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
