We're like a lot better than the average bears
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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