the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
