I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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