I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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