I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
