My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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