Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
