I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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