I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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