Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
