So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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