So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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