11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize