once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
