My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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