bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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