There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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