if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
