Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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