Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
