Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The air was thick with penises
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
