In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize