y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
