If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
