I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
