Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize