angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
