he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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