what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
