Say something about gay babies.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
