I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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