LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
