Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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