When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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