And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
