I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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