Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
