I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
