i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
