today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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