mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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