A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
