3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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