Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
