Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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