He asked to "fluff my boner.."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
