Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
