Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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