I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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