well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize