you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
