Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
another moral hangover. fuck.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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